It’s often said that women have “complex” emotions, while men are considered “simple creatures.” I’ve come across countless reels claiming that men don’t understand signals, don’t overthink as women do, and that you have to be direct with them—telling them exactly what you need. This, of course, is the basis of many jokes and discussions about the differences between men and women. I’ve avoided weighing in on the men-versus-women debate for a long time, but today, I feel compelled to speak up—because this is something you need to hear.
Dear Men, This Is how Half of the World sees you!
Reflecting on notions and the differences, the answer is yes, women are actually complex. But before you dismiss this as another “women and their hormones” argument, hear me out. Women are complex because we need to be. Life as a woman is full of experiences that demand heightened awareness and vigilance. This heightened sense of awareness, this complexity is something we inherit, passed down from one generation to the next. It’s not something we constantly talk about, but it’s there, quietly influencing the way we live, how we behave, and even how we dress. From childhood, we are taught to be cautious—be careful when walking alone, watch out for strangers, and make sure you’re not out too late.
I come from a place where interactions with men were limited. Growing up in a protective environment, I always felt safe within the confines of my home. But let me tell you, there comes a day in every woman’s life when she realizes that safety isn’t guaranteed, no matter how familiar or close to home she is. It could be something as small as a shadow lurking behind you, or something much worse, something I don’t need to spell out. What doesn’t make news could be a tailor misappropriately touching you while taking measurements, or a shop employee who won’t avert his gaze while you’re changing. These things are not isolated incidents—they are part of the shared experience many women have. The human mind left humanity long back. And so every now and then, we hear stories that become lessons, and we call them cases.
It’s easy to dismiss women’s concerns as “overthinking.” But the reality is, against the backdrop of overthinking—we analyze everything, every situation, from every angle, because we need to. When you’ve been conditioned to see the potential dangers, you begin to think about the “what-ifs,” the pros and cons, the outcomes, the possibilities, and how to protect yourself. It’s not paranoia—it’s self-preservation.
And it’s heartbreaking because this pattern of behaviour isn’t exclusive to humans; it’s a pattern I’ve seen in animals too. When cows run away from the chasing bulls, or when female dogs are sexually assaulted by multiple male dogs, I can’t help but notice that the behaviour is the same. The cruelty, the objectification—it’s not just a human issue; it’s a larger, deeply ingrained problem. But this isn’t the subject matter for this post.
“Get me food!”
What’s worse is that it all starts at home. It’s in the way jokes are made about women: “Ye toh paraayi hai”, “Sasural mein aise kaam karogi”, “Roti banani hogi na”. These aren’t just casual remarks; they are seeds planted in young minds, teaching them that a woman’s value lies in her ability to serve, to cook, and to maintain the household. Just in one sentence, mostly a causal fun sake remark, one is made an outsider, and everything they’ve been doing for their ‘home’ is reduced with ‘the home’ not being theirs, with all their ability outside the house- overlooked.
The point I’m making is not that there’s anything wrong with doing household chores, no. But reducing a woman’s identity to just those tasks is a form of disrespect. People often make these jokes without understanding the reality. Women are expected to cook because they know or say have been taught, how to do it. Most men don’t even know how to cook beyond Maggi or tea. It’s not that men can’t learn—but it’s a conscious decision not to, which leads to a lack of respect for women’s efforts. My father (who knows how to cook, yes) believes that one should know the howabouts of everything, regardless of pursuing the activity in the future, and that makes sense but only if it is implemented in unison. But it’s the underestimation, the jokes, and the disregard that is utterly disappointing.
I’ve seen firsthand how small actions can make a big difference. A friend once told me how his mother had set designated days and roles for house chores, and it was his turn to wash the dishes. How subtly powerful! Such activities instil a sense of equality from a young age. It taught him respect—not just for women, but for the effort that goes into maintaining a household. Women’s need to prove themselves arises from the fact that they’ve been reduced, underestimated, and exploited for so long. It’s not just about being “overly complex” or “needing to prove a point”; it’s about recognizing that we’ve had to fight for our space, for our freedom, and for basic respect.
“Men know how men are!”
When they say, “Men know how men are,” there’s a certain truth to it, men know what level men can go. The society as a whole is not as civilized as it likes to think it is. The constant requirement of having a male companion when going around is another stark reminder of how unsafe the world can feel. Even on familiar roads, an ordinary walk can turn into an anxiety-inducing experience. Just last week, I went for a walk alone early evening when a man on a motorcycle pulled up next to me and offered me a lift. I refused of course and he went his way, but the fright in that moment was to the extent that I took a U-turn straight home. One other time, I was returning home on foot on an active road again, and a bike with three young men pulled beside and asked if I needed a lift. Out of reflex, I nodded my head in negative and they laughed with action showing that there wasn’t even space to accommodate me and went their way. I felt terrible, stupid, and dumb. Of course, it was a joke to them, but if I still remember this instance with dread after so many years, it wasn’t funny to me for sure.
They say "Think of yourself blessed if you don't understand why people do unkind things." Who's gonna tell them the amount of impact those unkind things, and the idea of 'not understanding' them have?
Everything that I tell you is just the surface level, for I can’t even muster myself to share the rest. It’s sad that for every action posed by another, your mind blames you- it is your stupidity, your dumbness. It’s you. The fear I tell you is not just based on isolated experiences; it’s a culmination of years of living in a world where women often feel unsafe, vulnerable, and under threat because men chose to have “fun”. And yet, this isn’t a conversation we have openly enough. It’s a burden we carry, silently, constantly telling each other to have the courage to either speak up or just avoid.
“Be His Peace of Mind”
I’ve heard so many times that a woman “must be his peace of mind.” You see, it’s difficult to be at peace when your mind is constantly on high alert. If you truly want to be someone’s peace, be there for her. Ask any woman in your life whom you love if she’s ever felt unsafe, exploited, or fearful. I’m sure she will have stories to share—stories that are rarely spoken of, because they carry too much weight. But please know they need to be heard. It’s not about proving a point—it’s about understanding the reality that women live with every day. And I guarantee that when you listen, without trying to critically assess, you’ll be humbled seeing how aggravated the situation is.
Indian cinema has long glorified toxic relationships, subtly shaping societal norms. Maybe because Shahrukh set an unrealistic benchmark for even actors to portray characters on screen, haha. In contrast, the rising popularity of K-Dramas, especially among women stems from their portrayal of respect and consent—qualities often absent in real life (one may call me out for generalization here). It’s because, in those shows, respect and consent are not just ideals; they are practised. The men in those dramas are safe spaces, places where women don’t feel threatened or objectified. But, sadly, those types of men are few and far between in real life, particularly in places where authority and control are often confused with respect.
When a woman fears you, that’s not respect. Respect isn’t about control or making her obey your every word. It’s about creating a safe space where she feels valued and heard.
“Not all men!”
Not all men are like this, of course. But when any man passes by too closely, or when a vehicle slows down next to a woman, the fear is real. And in those moments, the question isn’t “not all men,” but simply, “a man.” In that split second, the weight of past experiences, of being conditioned to expect harm, takes over. This is the reality women live with. So, the next time you say she’s overthinking, remember: that’s her response mechanism, and it is not irrational.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that men who are raised with respect for women, especially by elder sisters, tend to treat women better. For they’ve been taught by the women, who raised them, the importance of compassion and empathy out of other things. That’s the kind of man the world needs. It starts with respect at home. And if we can raise our sons to understand this, to share the responsibility of the household, to respect boundaries, and to listen without critical judgements, we’ll build a generation that not only cherishes women but actively works to make the world a safer, kinder place for them.
What you can do
Women’s lives are often marked by silent battles—of fear, of survival, of proving their worth. This is also about not trivialising the lives of women, lives which are traumatising in themselves. If you’ve read till here, and want to know the solution to this, please know it isn’t some grand gesture or sweeping reforms. It is self-reflection.
Ask yourself how you treat the women in your life. Make amends if you think is required. The idea is not to change the world all at once, for there’s always a problem to a solution. The idea is you make one life better, one at a time. And that will make all the difference.